i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
