The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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