last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
