I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
