I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
