Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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