shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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