how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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