Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
