your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Green mimosas i think yes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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