So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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