we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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