Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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