My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
