i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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