I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
