Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
