i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
