omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
