Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
