i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
