we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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