we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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