Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You're like the curious george of whores
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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