dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Say something about gay babies.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
