definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
