Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
