How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
