When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
