yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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