With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
