soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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