so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
