WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
