My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
