i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
