Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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