i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
