So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
