I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
