So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
