You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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