I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
