Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
