Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Less talking, more tequila
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
