i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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