you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
sex in a hospital.. check
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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