eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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