glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
