Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
