i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
50% drunk capacity currently
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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