Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
