cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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