So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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